An Apology to the Women I've Slut Shamed

Yes, I used to be that girl. That girl that tutted at the sight of "too much" cleavage. That girl that tore other women down. That girl that hated herself because she'd been taught to. And yes, I was wrong.

As a young teenage girl 

I'd barely heard of 

feminism.

As a young teenage girl I'd barely heard of feminism. I had no opinion of it because I didn't know enough about it. Although I have incredibly supportive parents and an extremely hard working and strong mother to look up to, I struggled with sexism for most of my teenage years. Actually, I'll go one further than that - I contributed to sexism.

"Why am I, a fourteen year

 old girl, sexualising 

women?"

At age fourteen I'd see pictures of girls my age online and shake my head in shame if I seen the sliver of a breast. "What are these 14 year old girls thinking, sexualising themselves?" I'd ask myself. The real question I should have been asking is "Why am I, a fourteen year old girl, sexualising women?". Just think about that - at fourteen years old I was already shaming and sexualising other women. How would I ever learn to respect myself if I couldn't learn to respect other women? 

It took me a long time to realise that what I was doing was wrong, yet I'm sure deep down inside of me I knew it the whole time. I'm sure most teenage girls are familiar with the scenario of turning up to school one morning to be called "slut" and "whore" over fictional events someone made up about their weekend activities when, in reality, they'd spent that time in their room watching Disney movies. I know it happened to me a lot. I ended up with a lot of gruesome nicknames in high school, but the ones I've never been able to shake off are "fat arse" and "ghetto booty". I'm sure I don't even need to explain just how wrong those nicknames are. So what did I do in the face of this shaming? I laughed it off, I made it a joke. I thought it then wouldn't affect me, and just tried to forget about the fact I went to my bed crying almost every school night. At the same time I'd point fingers at other girls, trying to police what they wore or what they done in an attempt to protect them from being shamed like I was. Yet I was just another voice contributing to the shaming.

Yet I was just another 

voice contributing to 

the shaming.

I ended up dropping out of school and, although I had many reasons, the bullying and shaming I faced on a daily basis were one of the biggest. I lost a lot of weight when I left school, dropping from a size 12 to a 6 in under a year in an attempt to lose the "bigger" body I was bullied for. I think it's important for me to state here that the weight loss did not make me feel one bit better about my body.

When I left school I ended up wearing baggy clothes most of the time, feeling superior for covering up as opposed to stripping off. "Why do girls want that attention from men?" I'd ask myself. Then one day, it clicked.

I was out in a bar wearing a loose-fitting dress picked out especially for the occasion. Whilst queuing at the bar, my head pointed at the floor as to not attract attention, the boy behind squeezed my bum and spun me round to face him. Although things like that had happened to me before, that is when it finally clicked. It didn't matter what I'd wore. It didn't matter how I acted. It didn't even matter what I wanted. It happened anyway. It wasn't women's clothing or actions that were the problem, it was the people sexualising us. I wish it hadn't taken me so long to realise that. When I look back at my younger self, it saddens me to realise how deep rooted my misogyny was
.

Now when I cover up, it

isn't to conceal the sight of

my body from men.

My wardrobe has went through a bit of a makeover since then. I now wear clothes based on what I like and enjoy - not others. Now when I cover up it isn't to conceal the sight of my body from men. I feel no shame in wearing clothes that show off my body, and now when I see girls sporting a high skirt or a low cut top my first thought is on how great they look.

Women aren't a "broken

lock" and men aren't a

"master key" when it comes

to sex life.

I'm ashamed of parts of the person I used to be, but I guess there's always room for growth in all of us. I am in no way a perfect person. I make mistakes, but I'm always striving to be as good as just one person can be. It saddens me that women are still shamed for so much stuff that a men aren't: clothing choice, being angry, enjoying sex... Women's bodies weren't created to be covered up or dressed down whenever it's deemed "correct" by society. Women being emotional aren't just "on their period" or "going through a phase". Women aren't a "broken lock" and men aren't a "master key" when it comes to sex life. Yet so many people still hold these kind of views when it comes to women.

To all the women out there that

I have "slut shamed", I'm sorry.

I was wrong.

My teenage self may not have understood this, but I do now. To all the women out there - be you a classmate, a face in the street or a celebrity online - that I have slut shamed, I'm sorry. I was wrong.

Books I Wish I'd Read Sooner

We've all done it. Scoffed at the love for a movie franchise just to fall deeply in love with it years after everyone else. Ignored the hype of a TV show just to accidentally stumble across it and spend the next 6 hours telling yourself "one more episode". Continually skip by that one book on the bookshelf until you finally give it a chance and find yourself a few days later lying in bed, the book in your arms, wondering what you're going to do with your life now you've turned the last page.

So here are a few books that have done exactly this to me that I'd encourage everyone to give a go:

The Anne of Green Gables Series

Yes this series was written for children. No, I do not care. I read the first book as a child, completely oblivious to the fact there were more books until I was at college. I then ordered them all online and buried my nose in them. The series starts off when Anne Shirley - an orphan - arrives at Green Gables to discover the family wanted to adopt a boy instead. Ouch,

Anne is such a lovable character, and the world is very sweet. It's so sweet sometimes it's almost like a fairy tale, which puts many people off. As a usual lover of drama, tragedy and heartbreak it isn't the type of thing I feel I should like, yet I love it. The truth is that sometimes real life is too damn depressing and I need a visit to Prince Edward Island. I want to get caught up in all the neighbourly gossip and ponder over who is courting whom. Yes, it may seem too "goody goody", but I think it's meant to be a reflection of Anne's optimistic character rather than the world, author or quality of her work. There are some heartbreaking events, especially later in the series where the books are focused more on Anne's children. I won't give away any spoilers, but there were tears.

So why is this on my list? I read the first book when I was a little girl. I loved it when I was a little girl, and I wish I'd found the rest when I was a little girl. It's a series a hold dear to my heart, and a series I can't abide others bad mouthing. Yet I've never met anyone who's read it who doesn't love it (unless they've failed to mention this to me). Plus Gilbert Blythe was my first fictional crush - who didn't crush on him?

The Screwtape Letters

As a Christian, I love a good religious themed book. This story is told through the letters sent by a senior demon, "Screwtape" to his nephew, a junior demon, "Wormwood". Wormwood has been assigned a man to temp and lead to damnation.

It's one of those books that just sticks around and makes you think. Although I'd recommend this to anyone, I felt I found a greater depth reading this as a Christian than I would have otherwise. It explored many issues, and deeper than they may at first seem in such a short book. Not only was it smart and entertaining, I found it busted a lot of myths about my beliefs too. I wish I'd discovered it many years ago when I struggled with what religion really meant to me.

I did read The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe series as a child (spoiler: they're all about Christianity), so I wasn't expecting the darker, twisted style this book was written in. Although I did thoroughly enjoy it.

And before anyone asks, no, I do not take this book literally.

2001: A Space Odyssey

So I hadn't read a lot of sci-fi before I read this series. Mainly because a lot of new sci-fi movies put me off (and no, I'm not referring to the new Star Wars, which I loved). I wanted to give sci-fi a try and asked a friend for advice on where to start, and ended up with Arthur C Clarke.

An interesting fact is that the novel and the movie were written at the same time. Clarke and Kubrick worked alongside each other and ended up producing both a fantastic movie and novel (with a few notable differences to suit each platform). You learn something new every day, eh?

I never thought I'd say this, but I loved these books. Although they may get to "sciency" for some people, I find it interesting and pulls me further into the plot. The first book begins way back in time when humans were still apes, and a mysterious "monolith" appears on Earth. It nudges along evolution and the apes end up evolving into men. Men who reach the moon, and discover another monolith...

This book opened me up to the world of great sci-fi novels. I'd been judging the whole genre on a few rubbish movies, which I now regret. After reading this book I decided to start reading more genres, no matter what I thought of them. I even expanded that and began to read more graphic novels, comics, short fiction and non-fiction too. There's only one genre I struggle with now, and that's romance - but I'm trying! "The Rosie Project" is on my reading list...

A Christmas Carol

It took me quite a while to get round to this classic, but oh was I happy when I finally did. Everyone knows the story of Scrooge and the ghosts of Christmas Past, Christmas Present, and Christmas Yet To Come, but it didn't make the original any less riveting. What else can you expect from Charles Dickens?

I read this during Christmas one year (shocker, I know), and it did make you put things in perspective. I'll be super cheesy and say it reminds you of what Christmas is all about. Yet it does it in such a compelling way it's hard not to praise. I'd go as far to say that this is a must read, for everyone. You can take a lot from this book if you wish to do so. There's a lot crammed into this little tale, which is probably why it is one of the most famous and most adapted tales ever made.

I only read the original a few years ago, but I wish I'd read it as a child. Not just for the style, or the plot, but for the lessons that stick with you just like the eerie images of the three ghosts.

Also, if you didn't find the "Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come" even a little scary, you're telling porky pies.

A Song of Ice and Fire

Yes, I was quite late to discover Game of Thrones. Anyone who knows me would probably assume I followed it from the start the way I talk about it. Truthfully, I didn't even watch it until shortly before the fifth season. Yes, I watched the show before I read the books - something quite unusual for me.

So I've now read all of the released books in the series, along with the three novellas in "A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms", and even the short children's book: "The Ice Dragon". I've still to read another two novellas set in the "Game of Thrones" universe: "The Princess and the Queen" and "The Rogue Prince". As you can tell, I love the world.

As a child I was a huge lover of fantasy. Why read about the monotonous world I already live in when I could read about magic, quests and fairy tale beasts set in whole new worlds? That was the logic I applied to my reading habits then. Although I do still indulge in fantasy, I'm well aware modern day literature can be anything but boring, and some fantasy can turn into snooze fests.

So why did it take me so long to read this series? Well anyone who hasn't been living under a rock will have heard of the TV series, Game of Thrones. It is hugely popular, yet before  I watched it I knew nearly nothing about it. This is what I did know: 1) It was often described as a "porno". 2) It was violent and a lot of central characters died. So I shrugged it off along with everything else popular that doesn't interest me. Until my mum bought the first 3 series for my dad as a Christmas gift and he told me it was a great show. "Is it better than Breaking Bad?" I enquired (his favourite TV series). He was unsure, which made me watch it that night. A few episodes in I was hooked, and I soon fired through the books too. Now that the 6th series has ended and "The Winds of Winter" has still to be released, I'm searching for anything that can fill the huge Westeros shaped hole in my mind just now. When reading the books I just kept repeating the same thing to myself: "Why didn't I give this a chance sooner?".

Animal Farm

Yet another short and sweet novel... although this one is admittedly lacking in the latter. Animal Farm is about a farm of animals that rise up against the farmer and take over the place for themselves. They then elect the pigs to run the place, as they are of course the most intelligent animals of the lot. What happens then? Well, you'll have to read it for yourself (it doesn't take long), but their slogan may give you an idea: "All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.".

It's a brilliant read, and I can't help but continually compare it to modern day politics where I live. For all my international readers out there (I do have some!), British politics are a complete mess just now. If you don't laugh you'll cry. A lot. And if you're smart you'll jump in a boat and swim away in the river of your tears to a better world. Am I being dramatic? Maybe.


I could most probably add a lot more titles to this list, but I'm forcing myself to keep it short. If anyone's interested in what books I do read, check out my goodreads account. Not to brag, but I have Stephen King as a friend on it. Okay, he does have over 2000 friends, but still...

Do you have any books you wish you'd read sooner? I'd love to hear about them!

PS. Keep up with me on Instagram here.

6 Women That Inspire Me

Who runs the world? Girls. Right Beyoncé? Sometimes it can be hard to find female role models in the body shaming, sexist, ignorant mess that makes up the majority of our media. Have you ever noticed how men stripping down are praised while women are shamed? Have you ever read through the screeds of nasty comments any time a brand dares to use a plus sized model? Have you ever seen women rolling their eyes on the red carpet because they want to be asked more than "What are you wearing?". There's not a lack of great female role models, there's just a lack of them being shown in the media. So today I'm going to write about a few of my female role models - from Nobel Prize winners, to girl crushes, to survivors. So let's get started...

Michelle Obama

"...don't ever underestimate the importance you can have because history has shown us that courage can be contagious and hope can take on a life of its own." 

I've loved Michelle since I first seen a video of her talking about the importance of education for women. She's confident, she's brainy, and she talks about important issues - like childhood obesity and education. No one can deny she has worked hard to get to where she is today. Obama once said: "Some may dispute the quality of our president, but nobody disputes the quality of our first lady. Michelle is definitely a star in her own right. If I look half as good at 52 as Michelle looks, I'll be happy (and amazed).

Audrey Hepburn

"I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong."

Yes, Audrey Hepburn was famous for her beauty and her acting career. Most people don't know much more about her, despite her being a household name. It's a perfect example of how the media always focuses on the physical appearance of a women. Well, let me get started.

Audrey Hepburn was a beautiful woman and had a successful acting career (Breakfast at Tiffany's anyone?). She grew up in Holland during the war and faced starvation when the Nazi's cut off the food supply. It's said that she sometimes skipped her dancing lessons because she was so weak and malnourished. It's well known that Audrey Hepburn liked ballet, but less known that she performed ballet during WWII and donated her earnings to the resistance. She also acted as a courier and took messages between resistance groups - even though her parents were Nazi sympathisers.

Later in life she was appointed a special ambassador to the United Nations Children's Fund (UNICEF) and dedicated the last years of her life working for UNICEF to help children in need around the world. If all that isn't enough, she is also an EGOT, which means she has one an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar and Tony Award. Sometimes we need help, sometimes we need to help. Audrey's commitment to helping others makes her a role model for everyone.

Marina Diamandis

"I found what I'd been looking for in myself"

"People like to tell you what you're gonna be

It's not my problem if you don't see what I see

And I do not give a damn if you don't believe"

"I am never gonna give you anything you expect"

"I know exactly what I want and who I want to be"

"The lower I get the higher I'll climb

And I will wonder why

I got dark only to shine"

"If history could set you free from who you were supposed to be"

What's all that? Oh, just a collection of my favourite, feel good, inspiring lyrics from the talented Marina Diamandis (known by her stage name, Marina and the Diamonds). I love Marina's music and voice. I've seen her live twice and can say she sounds just as good in person whilst putting on a great show.

I may not have seen many interviews of Marina talking about "serious" issues, but what better way for a singer to "talk" about issues than through her music? She tried hard to make a music career for herself. After trying and dropping out of various schools and universities, she started composing her own music and learned the piano. She also self-composed and produced her earliest music on websites like GarageBand and MySpace (remember them?). Her strong, relatable lyrics and musical talent is what inspires me.

Malala Yousafzai

“We realize the importance of our voices only when we are silenced.” 

“One child, one teacher, one book, one pen can change the world.” 

“When the whole world is silent, even one voice becomes powerful.” 

If you haven't heard of Malala you must be living under a rock. She is the youngest ever to win a Nobel Peace prize, at age 17. It is said that Malala started speaking about education rights at the age of 11. She speaks three different languages, all of them fluent. Malala has literally been shot in the head, survived, and continued her fight for education. She also blogged for the BBC under a pseudonym, risking her life. I could keep listing what makes Malala not only an amazing role model, but an amazing women. She proves that any of us has it in us to make a change, and that we should always stand up for what is right. If you haven't yet read "I Am Malala", I do recommend it.

 Emilia Clarke

"Woman? Is that meant to insult me? I would return the slap, if I took you for a man."

Okay, you got me. That quote wasn't Emilia, but Daenerys - a character she portrays.

You may be reading this and thinking "Emilia Clarke? What has she done?". Emilia Clarke is a pretty new celebrity, famous for her portrayal of Daenerys Targaryen on Game of Thrones (a series I'm obsessed with by the way). Her personal life seems to be kept personal (which I totally respect). So why am I inspired by Emilia? 

Emilia was named "Sexiest Women Alive" for 2015 by Esquire magazine, so it's safe to say she's considered a beauty. Yet anyone who follows her instagram can see that she isn't afraid of posting goofy photos and poking fun at herself. In a world where girls are growing up exposed to countless filtered, touched up, "perfected" photos I think this is a big deal. Emilia shows that you don't need to be what is considered "perfection" to be beautiful - or named "sexiest women alive".

She's also one of the only women I've ever seen on TV or in the media with a body type somewhat close to my own, and that makes me feel good. There are many things I hate about my body. The media is plastered with tall, slim women sporting the golden tan and curvaceous waist to hip ratio I'll never have no matter how much I exercise (thank you bone structure). I celebrate whenever I see other types of beauty being shown in the media, but it's great when it's someone I can relate to myself. I think we all need this kind of role model, and it doesn't hurt that Emilia also seems a super friendly and fun person too. She's my girl crush.

Eva Schloss

I must admit, I'd never heard of Eva Schloss until I attended her talk at my local library. My mum phoned home one Monday afternoon informing me that she had got me tickets to a woman talking in the library that night. A woman whom was Anne Frank's stepsister and had survived the concentration camps.

Eva's talk was heartbreaking and inspiring. She went through hell, as many others did in the camps, and she survived. Not only has she survived, but she has grown. The confident, smiling, strong women I seen before me seemed miles away from the girl she spoke of. Yet, it was her.

There is something she said that really stuck with me. She commented on a famous quote by Anne Frank: "In spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart". It's a quote I personally love. Eva stated that if Anne had wrote her diary after experiencing the concentration camps, then she wouldn't have wrote that. It broke my heart. Even after listening to her story, or reading her book, there is no way I can picture or imagine the horrors she and many others went through. Yet she survived, and she uses her voice to help others.

Eva told us of how she was soon travelling to America to talk about the current refugee crisis, as she was too a refugee as a child. Eva is the author of several books, the most well known being "Eva's Story". It tells the tale of her childhood during WWII and her experience of the concentration camps. It is again a heartbreaking tale, but I definitely recommend it.

There are countless women out there who are great to look up to. Whether it's Beyoncé balancing her busy career and family life, Rihanna setting up her global scholarship fund or Ellen proving that women can do comedy and rule at it, there is someone for everyone. Look to who inspires you, who makes you strive to be better, who you can relate with. We all need role models in our life. These six women just happen to be some of mine.

Quotes sourced from Goodreads 
Pictures are sourced from google images - they were linked but they kept on breaking!

Why I Don't Wear Fake Tan

Firstly, this is not an attack against fake tan. I don't care if you do or don't wear fake tan. If you like it and it makes you feel confident you lather that stuff on until you're a bronzed goddess.

But seriously, there's so much hate for pale skin. Girls seem to think that if they're not lathered in fake tan that they're not beautiful. Yes it can be thrown round as a joke, but where's the self love? Make-up, fake tan, hair dye... it's all great, but you got to believe you're beautiful under all that too. I'm not saying this is some huge problem, it just feels pretty rubbish seeing girls putting others down. I'm sick of hearing girls say pale skin is ugly. It's not. No skin shade is "ugly". It's like the war between girls who do and don't wear make-up. Why care? It's personal choice. If you want to cake that face up with a bold lip and smokey eye, go for it. If a little wipe of lip balm is enough for you, rock it. Stop putting others down girls, please. Anyway, lets get to why I don't wear fake tan.

1) Health. Any time in the past I've used fake tan it has not been good for my skin. Have you looked at the ingredients in that stuff? Pretty nasty. I personally like to stick with body oils and lotions to help heal, repair and moisturise my skin. There are some friendlier tanning products out there, from brands like Lush and Green People, but they just don't tickle my fancy.

2) Time. It's been a long time since I've wore fake tan but damn that stuff takes a while to put on. Making sure every bit of your body is covered evenly, getting help with your back, messing around with those big mitts on... Then waiting for it to dry in just for it to ruin pyjamas and bed sheets alike with its runny colour. Nope, not for me. I'm already too lazy to style my hair beyond a brush through most days, so I certainly won't be starting a tanning ritual any time soon.

3) Money. Yes, there's cheap fake tan. Every one I've tried has stunk. Or stained. Or been too dark and orange. Or streaked. They just plain suck. I have tried ones that performed much better - they were fast, long lasting and had little smell. They were also £30 odd a bottle. £30? No way. I have better things to spend my money on (books, art, games...) basically anything but fake tan. There's only a few beauty products I buy at higher prices, and only when I think they're worth the money. Sadly, fake tan isn't one.

4) It just doesn't suit my colouring. I have very pale skin. I also have coppery hair and brown-green eyes. I have rosy lips and blush and get freckles in the sun. Tan somehow looks... wrong on me? It doesn't work with my cool tones. I certainly don't turn in to the bronzed goddess I imagined.

5) Self Acceptance. This is the most important reason. I feel fine without it. I may not love everything about how I look, but I'm beginning to be comfortable in my own skin. I like my "paleness" and think I can still look great without a tan. Whether you wear a lot of products or not, it is important to feel great in your natural state.

I apologise for the awkward poses but I'd never had shots like that taken before. Yes, I got these photos especially for this post. I don't always feel great in my own body, but I'm learning. I may not have the coveted warm tan, or the long model legs (I'm only 5ft4!), or the picture perfect face, or anything the media labels as "beautiful" - but I still feel great. And I believe everyone else out there should, and can, too. Fake tan or no fake tan.

Great Products from Unlikely Places

So on Sunday I had lunch with my family in a busy little tearoom down the countryside. My eyes proved to be bigger than my stomach as I ordered two plates: potato skins with sour cream and a brie and cranberry panini with leaves, coleslaw and potato salad. In my defence, I wasn't aware of all the salad beforehand and I thought the potato peels were a side. 

Nevertheless I managed to finish a fair amount of the meal. The brie and cranberry jelly (one of my favourite combos!) was especially delicious. 

One of the things I love about this tearoom is the small gift shop at the entrance. Nestled amongst cards, photographs, pottery and various jams I found this small range of beauty products made locally by The Caurnie Soaperie.

We picked up a large jar of the nettle moisturiser (£23.00) along with the shampoo (£8.50) I've used the cream before and know it's effective, so thought it best value for money to opt for the larger option. (I thought it was important to add that the products seem to be cheaper when buying them from farmers markets, or even the soaperie!)

These products focus on nettle as an ingredient, in order to help treat skin conditions such as eczema (which has just came knocking on my door for its annual visit). 

I was also eyeing up the various homemade jams, and took a large jar of the raspberry away with me. 

Look at how good it looks! It may not be the healthiest thing in the world, but it may just be one of the tastiest. 

PS. Keep up with me on instagram here.

Hello

I'm Claire and I'm from a wee town not far flung from Glasgow, Scotland.

Recently I've been experimenting with many cruelty-free beauty brands and was struggling to find a blog or online resource to help me find what's available in Scotland. I'm sure you've guessed by now that that's why I've created this blog.

So a little bit about me...

I'm a certified bookworm and also love to write. I have an HNC in professional writing skills and did progress on to university, but left after a year as it wasn't for me. I then worked for a while in France and I'm now pursuing a degree in digital art & animation now I am home. Eventually I want to work in game art and design.

I have two house rabbits, Amber and Winston. These two were the main reason I started researching my products, which led to me going cruelty free and vegetarian (transitioning to vegan).

Here I plan to honestly review my cruelty free beauty findings, but I cannot promise that some literature and lifestyle posts won't occasionally make an appearance.

Lastly, here is my pale Scottish face. I guess I better get used to posting it

Thank you for visiting my blog and I hope you enjoy it.

Claire